Dahlings, brace yourselves for an enchanting journey as we embark on a passionate exploration of self-love in the captivating series, “Start a Love Affair with Your Body.” Today marks the unveiling of part one, a tale woven with admiration, sensuality, and an unapologetic celebration of the vessel that carries us through life. As we delve into the intricacies of this love affair with your body, let us revel in the joy of adorning it with appreciation and embracing the sensuality that accompanies every lotion-infused ritual.

Part two will be published in a few weeks, promising to deepen our connection with the most remarkable canvas we possess.

My Relationship With My Body

My relationship with my body has never been one of disdain; instead, it is a captivating love affair that has stood the test of time. While I may have yearned for larger breasts in the past, my adoration for this extraordinary temple never wavered. I cherished the act of dressing it with love and reveled in the sensuality of applying body lotion, dancing naked in the mirror with unbridled joy. From the cleansing rituals in the shower to admiring the strength in my hips, buttocks, and legs, my body, though not perfect, has been the centerpiece of a fabulous love affair.

Despite never succumbing to fad diets or cultivating a negative perception of my body, change has inevitably woven its way into my narrative. I find myself at my heaviest, and though I do not harbor hatred, the desire for a semblance of the past occasionally whispers. This shift in my relationship triggered guilt. As negative thoughts invaded the once adored reflection in the mirror. Yet, the realization dawned that I was not alone in this experience. Research echoes a shared sentiment, with 84 percent of American women encountering body dissatisfaction.

Understanding the Changes

In the quest for understanding, I grappled with the when and how of this transformation. The discomfort of change prompted a yearning for quick fixes, but I discovered that learning to love and appreciate my body demands time and resilience. The internet’s body positivity movement beckoned, but the journey proved intricate, far from the simplistic “just love your body” mantra. Body dissatisfaction lingers, and embracing a positive relationship requires patience and effort, a transition from “I hate my body” to nuanced self-acceptance.

Some days, I gaze at my reflection with gratitude, acknowledging the resilience of my legs. Yet, on others, the same legs become the canvas for critical thoughts. Initiating a love affair with your body demands a graceful reconstruction. A process infused with kindness, compassion, and consistent effort. As I navigate my personal health and fitness journey, grappling with its challenges, I recognize the universality of this struggle. Whether your relationship with your body outshines mine or plunges into darker realms, remember, we are in this together. If this narrative resonates with just one soul, I have succeeded in sharing a story of resilience and self-discovery.

A Deep Dive into Self-Love

Get ready for an empowering dive into the world of self-love. Today, I am thrilled to unveil the first half of an exhilarating list. Five small yet powerful ways to kickstart your journey towards a profound love affair with your body. But hold onto your excitement because I will be back to deliver the grand finale with the remaining five in just a few weeks. Buckle up, my friends; this is no ordinary ride. It is a transformative adventure, and we have some exciting work ahead.

Drowned out the naysayers and set firm boundaries

Rise above the noise of negativity and establish unyielding boundaries. I have discovered that the echoes of hurtful experiences can permeate every facet of our lives, even influencing our relationship with weight. Cruel words, criticisms, and judgments wield a destructive power. Leaving a profound impact on the way we perceive ourselves. At times, we internalize these emotions, triggering erratic eating habits and fostering a detrimental connection with food.

Conversely, externalizing our feelings may manifest as bursts of anger, lashing out at those who have wounded us. Regardless of the manifestation, these encounters can evoke feelings of self-loathing, embarrassment, and shame. It is time to drown out the negativity and chart a course towards a more resilient and self-loving future.

Working Through the Noise

As I navigated through the cacophony of life, three distinct moments surfaced, each playing a pivotal role in reshaping my connection with my body.

The initial incident unfolded after a few snapshots with friends. Reviewing the image, I felt content, yet a passing comment about my hands prompted subtle glances and expressions between two friends. Their reassurances felt hollow, and though I sensed insincerity, I dismissed it, letting the moment slip away.

The second pivotal moment occurred during a visit from a friend. As we delved into our aspirations for the year, I shared my goal of dedicating 40 minutes a day, five times a week, to exercise. In response, she dropped a bombshell, “I did not want to say anything, but you have gotten so fat.” Masking my shock with a forced smile, I later stood before the mirror, blinking away tears, questioning the path that led me to that moment.

The third episode unfolded in a seemingly unrelated conversation with another friend over the phone. While the details of the dialogue escape me, one statement lingered: “you just keep getting fatter and fatter every day, do you not see that?” Even now, as I pen these words, my response eludes memory, but the aftermath is etched in vivid emotions. I drove home in tears, enveloped in a cloud of shame.

As I reflect on those situations, I realize three things.

Upon reflection, three profound realizations have emerged from those challenging situations.

First and foremost, I recognized that all three of my friends responded or reacted through the lens of their own insecurities. While weight may not have been their immediate source of insecurity, each harbored other vulnerabilities.

The pivotal action I took was to brush off their remarks. In the initial scenario, I effortlessly shrugged it off. However, in the subsequent instances, my instinct was to retaliate with insults. Yet, I refrained. I refused to grant them the power to dictate my self-image. Despite the pain, I denied them the satisfaction of exacerbating my emotional state.

Getting Honest

Confronting the truth about my weight gain required a raw honesty with myself. Despite being a mindful eater who avoids overindulgence in fast food, I had to acknowledge my unintentional undereating, chronic sleep deprivation spanning over five years, and the lethargy that hindered my workout routine. Admitting these factors, understanding their impact, and consulting with my P.C.P. were pivotal in recognizing how neglecting my nutritional needs was harming my body. Acceptance of my role in this situation propelled me to a new level of self-awareness, compelling me to address these issues not for external validation but for my own well-being.

In the pursuit of nurturing a positive relationship with your body, you are likely to encounter insensitivity and unkindness. Quieting the naysayers is just one aspect. Setting firm boundaries to manage negative comments and unsolicited advice is equally crucial. While the concept of boundaries might seem assertive or confrontational, view them as a shield, safeguarding your values, needs, wants, and goals. Boundaries, like everything else, evolve over time, allowing you to set different ones for different people. Embrace the art of boundary-setting with these five tips:

Five Tips to Setting Boundaries

1. Be Firm and Unapologetic: Stand your ground without apology.
2. Embrace the Learning Curve: Do not expect to be an instant expert; setting boundaries is a skill that develops over time.
3. Affirm Your Worth: Recognize your deservingness of kindness, compassion, and empathy.
4. Clearly Define Limits: Clearly articulate what you are comfortable with in the present moment, especially with specific individuals.
5. Accept That Not Everyone Will Agree: Understand that some may not be okay with your boundaries, and that is perfectly fine. The only person whose approval matters in this context is yours.

Commitment

Embracing change is no easy feat, but the first step towards transformation lies in acknowledging the desire for change. Now is the moment, even if the prospect feels daunting, and even if embarrassment or shame lingers around your current body state. Whisper it quietly or proclaim it aloud to yourself: “I acknowledge my negative relationship with my body, and I am ready to embark on a journey of love, positivity, and health. I deserve it.”

Despite all your body does for you, there may still be lingering guilt for any negative thoughts harbored. Acknowledge the countless ways your body has served you well. The time to initiate a profound love affair with your body is now. It is more than just uttering the words—it is about infusing them with genuine meaning and unwavering commitment. Stand tall and declare your commitment to this journey of self-love and appreciation. You deserve every bit of it.

Acceptance

Some days, when I gaze into the mirror, my body may not reflect the fabulousness I know it possesses. Yet, I am acutely aware of the incredible goodness my body has bestowed upon me. And continues to do so—as I navigate towards a healthier and more fulfilling life.

In the realm of goal-setting, conventional wisdom dictates knowing your “WHY.” Delving into this, I initially unearthed vain reasons for desiring a change in my body’s appearance—wanting to look better in my clothes and, quite simply, wanting to look better, period.

I once read that women often fall prey to the myth that altering their appearance will garner more love, acceptance, and value from others. Sadly, this is far from the truth. People can be unkind, and even if you exude beauty and fabulousness. It will not necessarily translate into increased love, respect, or appreciation. Instead, critics may always find something to criticize.

It is crucial to embrace yourself as you are in the present moment and recognize that your worth and value are not contingent on conforming to a certain physical standard. To my beautiful queens out there, your value remains unswayed by age, size, or color. You are inherently enough and deserving of love, respect, and value, regardless of whether you weigh 115lbs or 215lbs.

While it might sound cliché, the core of happiness, peace, and self-love emanates from within. Release the notion that you are only lovable or wanted if you conform to a certain appearance. Picture your dream weight, envisioning a fabulous version of yourself. Yet, even in that scenario, can you escape the grip of sadness, loneliness, rejection, and feelings of unworthiness? Realize and accept that conforming to societal beauty standards will not guarantee happiness. Someone will always find something to criticize.

An Instagram Post

Let me tell you about a powerful Instagram post by the incredible Michelle, aka @michobabyy. Despite being a mom, she was shockingly denied the chance to collaborate with her favorite lingerie brand because her body was deemed “flawed.” It is a profound reminder that even brands targeting mothers, who naturally bear marks of motherhood like stretch marks and C-section scars, perpetuate unrealistic standards.

Michelle’s message resonates deeply with me, and I wholeheartedly endorse her call to normalize all body shapes and sizes. The refusal she faced highlights the pressing need to challenge societal norms and redefine beauty on our terms. We must initiate a fervent love affair with our bodies, embracing every imperfection with passion and pride. When we do, our value will not be dictated by the judgments of the internet or any external entity. It will emanate from within, empowering us to define our worth unapologetically.

Figuring Out your Why

Are you ready to embark on a transformative journey with me? Let’s delve into discovering your “WHY” and make an unwavering commitment to embrace and love your body.

My Why

As for my own “WHY,” it is deeply rooted in my desire for a long and fulfilling life. Health is the key to unlocking that longevity, and I am motivated to maintain a holistic well-being. Moreover, I am blessed with a vibrant 21-month-old grandson whose energy is infectious. My goal is not just to witness him blossom into a remarkable man but to actively participate in the joy of his journey.

Staying healthy means keeping up with his boundless enthusiasm and relishing every moment spent together. And yes, I unapologetically admit, I also want to feel and look absolutely fabulous—both in my birthday suit and in my favorite clothes. Join me on this empowering expedition towards self-love and a vibrant, healthful life.

Ditch the Judgement

Ladies, let us address something head-on. As women, we have all been guilty of being a little too harsh and unkind to one another. Personally, I have had moments where I have judged other women’s bodies, even going as far as using hurtful words like “fat,” and I am not proud of it. Sure, I may have been upset or hurt, but that does not excuse such behavior.

Here is the real talk. It is time to cease criticizing anyone’s body, regardless of gender. Let us not gauge a woman’s value solely based on her body size. What we say and think about others impacts us first and foremost. Every woman—heck, every person—deserves to be loved and accepted unconditionally, just as they are. So, it is high time we normalize steering clear of judgment when it comes to the bodies of others. Let us foster an environment where support and acceptance reign supreme.

To Love your Body is to Know your Body

Certainly, you have likely heard the phrase “your body talks to you.” There is profound truth in those words. Our bodies communicate through a unique language, and once you learn to decipher it, you will hear the invaluable messages it conveys. In essence, our bodies serve as the physical expression of our emotions. To grasp your body’s language, take a moment to slow down and find stillness. Through this, you cultivate a profound kindness and compassion towards your body, detaching your self-worth from its physical form.

Loosing Touch with my Body

Personally, I had completely lost touch with my body without even realizing it. For years, a sense that something was off lingered, yet I remained oblivious, caught up in the relentless whirlwind of busyness. We often fail to notice when we disconnect from ourselves until it reaches a critical point, underscoring the importance of regular self-check-ins. I cannot stress enough how crucial and valuable it is to check in with yourself.

I am on a journey to reconnect with my body, acknowledging that it is not always easy. At times, it can be frustrating. However, I make a conscious effort daily to listen to what makes my body feel good. Whether it is remembering to eat or heeding my body’s call for rest, I prioritize these moments because I know they contribute to my overall well-being.

The disconnection I experienced unfolded over several years, marked by surgeries due to stage IV endometriosis, a cancer scare, fertility struggles, and the removal of my appendix, right ovary, and tube. Each surgery left me feeling less whole, and I grappled with a profound sense of emptiness, questioning my womanhood. Coping with these changes led me to neglect myself, leaving me desensitized and disconnected, all the while convincing myself I was okay.

Rediscovering

In the process of rediscovering myself, I recognized that I had coped by compartmentalizing and avoiding the grieving process for the parts of me that felt broken and unlovable. During painful experiences, I failed to acknowledge my emotions. Now, I am intentional about understanding how we can lose parts of ourselves while projecting an image of having it all together.

None of us do, and that is perfectly fine. Life is an ongoing journey, and the goal is to navigate it with kindness and awareness. Extend kindness to others, recognizing that you may not be privy to their struggles, and, equally important, be kind to yourself because you cannot afford not to be.

Express Gratitude

A few months back, I delved into the audiobook “Empowering Women” on Audible [or you can find it as “Embrace Your Power” on Kindle] by Louise Hay. In a moment of profound insight, she posed an unconventional question: “how many of us can say we love our rectum?” It struck me, forcing me to consider the incredible role even the less-thought-about parts of our bodies play. Louise’s emphasis on body gratitude shifted my perspective entirely.

"Begin by being tender and loving to you. Let your body and your heart experience what love feels like. Then, treat yourself the way you want a lover to treat you."

Louise Hay

The game-changing realization translated into tangible benefits. Less fatigue, a newfound sense of calmness, and enhanced confidence in my ability to care for myself, coupled with the belief that I am capable of pursuing a healthier lifestyle.

The crux of the matter is to accept, be grateful for, and appreciate our bodies—a formidable task, even on our best days. It is far too easy to succumb to societal pressures and blame our bodies for how they appear or what they can and cannot do. Yet, when you pause to consider it, your body tirelessly takes you through each day without complaint, steadfastly supporting you and performing myriad functions without explicit requests.

Let Us Wrap it Up

As I bring this segment to a close, anticipate part two, where we will continue our exploration of cultivating a love affair with your body. But in the interim, let us engage in a transformative mini exercise. Take a moment, grab a pen, and compile a list of ten things you authentically cherish and admire about your body. This is an intimate and personal journey, so inscribe what resonates positively with you.

If any inkling of negativity attempts to infiltrate your thoughts, boldly strike it out and replace it with a resounding positive affirmation. Remember, this exercise is your own space to document what you genuinely want and need. There’s no prescribed formula—just embrace your unique way. Until the unveiling of part two, stay empowered and revel in the ongoing love affair with your remarkable body.